


Old Fashioned Romance

by IntoTheAbyssWeGo



Series: Old Fashioned Romance [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Parents, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Alternate Universe - School, Bullying, Carrie - Freeform, Enemies to Friends, Falling In Love, Growing Up Together, Letters, Lonely Severus, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), No friendship with Lily, Old-Fashioned, Original Character(s), References to Jane Austen, Severus Is A Romantic, Severus Loves Classical Lit Romance Novels, The Bronte Sisters - Freeform, We love Carrie, Young Severus Snape, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29195796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntoTheAbyssWeGo/pseuds/IntoTheAbyssWeGo
Summary: Severus has always been a lonely child, forced to cope with his harsh reality, he finds solace in books. Those books happen to be in the form of classical romantic literature. The only friends he has can be found between the pages of these books. The only letters he ever sends are to those imaginary friends but no one has to know, right?Going into his second year, Severus never expected anything to change. He will try to keep his head down and just go through the motions. What he doesn't realize is that he will meet people, create friendships, and make choices that will forever change the course of his future. Will the tragedies he encounters break him? Or will he be able to ultimately find his very own 'happily ever after'?
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Severus Snape
Series: Old Fashioned Romance [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2185005
Comments: 106
Kudos: 97





	1. Prologue

There were many ways that people would describe Severus Snape, but romantic was not one of them and he planned to keep it that way. Thanking his lucky stars that he had taught himself how to charm the covers on books to have different titles, he looked suspiciously at the people in various states of consciousness around him to make sure no one was paying attention to him. This might be a library, but one could never be too certain, especially with those accursed marauders out for his blood. After confirming that no one was paying him any mind, he once again buried his too-large-for-his-face nose in his book and lost himself to the world of Jane Austen. 

As his mind was recaptured, the words lilted through his head and filled it with images of true love, intense gazes, longing hearts reaching out towards one another. Everything remained properly civil of course, nothing more explicit than sweet, simple kisses and intense hand holds before marriage. Nothing like that hussy Lydia. While _Pride and Prejudice_ would always remain a favorite and hold a special place in his heart, nothing compared to the connection he felt to _Persuasion_. He felt like Anne was one of the few people who might have ever understood him so perfectly. He too was misunderstood and looked down on by his family, he too was surrounded by people who constantly belittled, misjudged, and underestimated him, he too had to stand up for himself because no one else would, he too felt the pressures of being persuaded one way or the other as if he didn't have his own mind. True, he had a much nastier temper than Anne ever would, but then again, he wasn’t a young Victorian maiden weighed down by society's principles. Honestly though, he probably would have fared much better during that time period than his own. 

Once he had read through all that his mother's meager collection had to offer, he realized that he needed more. Much more. After weeks of careful planning and strategizing, Severus was able to slip into the local library to get himself a card. It took precious minutes to work up his courage to talk to the librarian, but when he did a look of utter shock and warm pleasure came over her features when he asked for recommendations similar to Jane Austen. It was then that he was introduced to the Bronte sisters. While he had loved Jane Austen, he was drawn so much more to the dark Gothic undertones of the Bronte sisters’ writings. Jane Eyre was another kindred spirit he found and it was his dearest wish that he could insinuate himself among the pages and meet her in person. He wanted to tell her that he also knew what it felt like to be “poor, plain, and little.” Tell her she wasn’t alone. Assure her that he was her friend and would always be there for her. Her quiet strength fed his own in his darkest moments as his father screamed at him and beat him and as the children around him were cruel beyond measure simply because he was different. 

It wasn’t his fault that these had become his favorite books, his only solace, his escape. His obsession. It was all his stupid mother’s fault. If she had just divorced the horrible bastard that sired him and had taken both of them far away from that wretched man, then perhaps her literary pursuits might have been much more well-rounded. While hiding from his father during one of his drunken flights of passion, Severus had discovered a hidden nook in the wardrobe where he found what were soon to become his most treasured possessions. While he discarded the cheap, tawdry romance novels with heaving bosoms and steamy scenes, he absolutely devoured the simple manners, known expectations, and witty banter of the Victorian era. Soon his mind was filled with strong heroines who didn’t take crap from anyone, girls who were willing to be kind to those who mistreated them through their own strength of character and not because they were doormats, people who found hope in the least likely places, and those who never gave up on themselves even through the most trying times. Most of all, though, he found true love. He clung to that idea with his entire being and knew he would wait his entire life if it meant he could find the person who would fill his soul and make up the other half of his heart. 

Severus often wrote letters to his favorite characters as though they were real and he sent them off from the Owlery, not knowing where the birds decided to drop them. He had no fear that he would be caught doing this because he never signed his name, but it helped him imagining that somewhere out there, his friends were rooting for him as much as he was for them. Even if they weren’t real in this world, they were real in his. 

Everything changed on the day a response landed in his porridge.


	2. Phases of the Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - mentions of physical and verbal abuse

_2 months ago_

Severus sighed internally as he stalked down the train, glancing briefly into each compartment as he passed by attempting to find one that was at least relatively empty. Perhaps he would get lucky this year and find one all to himself. Avoiding any and all interactions for as long as humanly possible was his goal for the year. Of course, if a fight was brought to him, he wouldn’t run like a coward. No sir! They would see who they were messing with. Being a gentleman, however, he wouldn’t be the one to draw first blood. Words would be his weapons until lesser men forced him to take more physical action. Then they would know he wasn’t to be trifled with. 

Nearing the end of the train, he grinned in triumph as he found an empty compartment and shoved his way inside. He had some reading to do, after all. He was just at the part where Jane was about to find out that her fiancé was already married! The bastard. Severus could understand why the man wanted to be with Jane so badly, but to use her in such a cowardly way was unpardonable. Already burying his face in his book as he entered, he stumbled slightly trying to sit down without actually looking where he was going. 

“Hello!” Said a cheery voice. 

Severus had never jumped so high in his life. His precious book went flying and he cried out in dismay as it landed haphazardly on the floor. Before he could reach out to rescue it, a hand darted out, grabbing the book gently and dusting off it’s cover. Looking up to see who had the audacity to besmirch his precious novel with their unworthy hands, he was surprised to see another Slytherin sitting across from him smiling sheepishly as she held out the book to him. 

“Really sorry about that, I didn’t mean to startle you and I especially didn’t mean for you to drop your book. It’s impressive you’re already studying for the coming year! I have to admit I haven’t touched a school book all summer. Although, I have been going through my personal reading list. I’m Carrie by the way, what’s your name? What year are you? I’m pretty sure I saw you around the common room last year, but we’ve never officially met.” 

Snatching his book back from her, Severus scowled. What was this girl blathering on about? Why did he care about her reading list or her name for that matter. He was, however, nothing if not a gentleman and he supposed that she had earned civility for how gently she had treated his book. “Officially, I am Severus Snape, however, I prefer the name Severus Prince if you must know. And I am entering my second year at Hogwarts.” Sniffing haughtily, he opened his book pointedly and started reading again. 

“Oh, groovy! Prince, huh? I really like that! It suits you perfectly!” 

Looking over his book at her suspiciously, he tried to see if she was making fun of him, but he was only met with a wide smile and shimmering eyes that shone with sincerity. 

“Do you mind if I call you ‘your highness’? I think that would be really fun since you really do seem just like a little prince.” 

Blinking at her, he felt that this surely must be yet another way someone was teasing him, but the blasted girl was oozing sparkles and he wondered how the hell she had ended up in Slytherin. He had never met someone who screamed ‘Hufflepuff’ more than she did. “I… well I suppose it is of no consequence what you call me.” 

“Rock on! You even talk like a prince! We’re going to be really good friends. I can tell. I’m a third year, by the way, so I can give you all my old notes for classes if you want!” Carrie barely drew breath as she continued to ramble at him. “We could study together! I already have another friend who I study with on occasion and I’m sure he’d love to meet you, you seem like you guys could be friends too!” Severus didn’t realize his jaw was slowly dropping as she continued to babble at him. 

“By the way, would you like some brownies? I made them before coming to bring a little taste of home with me. One day, I’m going to own the first magical bakery in Hogsmeade, just you wait! Everyone is going to love my baking so much that it’ll be famous all across the wizarding world and people won’t realize that I’m slowly enslaving them through their stomachs!” Ah. There was the Slytherin. 

Having no idea how to respond to any of what was just thrown at him, he had no choice but to rapidly set his book aside as several brownies were pushed into his hands haphazardly. Once again he looked up to see her looking at him while sitting on the edge of her seat waiting expectantly for him to apparently consume the brownies. He hadn’t realized until that moment how hungry he was, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to afford anything off the trolly and it would be several hours before they reached Hogwarts. Deciding it would be highly rude of him to refuse something given to him by a lady, he tentatively nibbled the edge of one while precariously balancing the others on his lap. As the chocolate flavor burst over his tongue, he couldn’t help but let out a small moan at the heavenly flavor. 

Smirking in a way that left no doubt about how pleased she was with herself, Carrie leaned towards him and lowered her voice, “You want to know how I’m going to enslave everyone? Because I always know exactly what treat a person wants in any given moment. Today, for instance, I absolutely knew that I had to make brownies. And here we are! I’m glad you like them, your Highness, because apparently I made them just for you!” Grinning as though she was the one who had been given mouth watering brownies, she settled back onto the seat with a contented sigh. 

Still unsure of how to proceed in such an unprecedented situation, Severus fell back onto the manners that his books had shown to him. “Thank you, Carrie, for your kind gesture. Unfortunately, I have nothing to give you in return, but as we will most likely be seeing each other throughout the year, I will do my best to see that your kindness is returned.” After all, there was absolutely no way that he would allow himself to remain in debt to someone. 

A small smile played around Carrie’s lips as she responded, “No problem your Highness. Honestly it’ll just be great to have a new friend. To be honest, I can’t stand a lot of the Slytherins, they all think they’re so posh and high and mighty just because they’re purebloods who come from old money.” At this Carrie started to gesticulate wildly and Severus was scared of receiving unintended bodily harm. “It’s not like it even belongs to them yet, they’re all just a bunch of snot nosed children playing dress-up with money their parents didn’t even earn! Ugh. Anyways, just wait a few years and they’ll all be on their knees for me,” she pronounced, nodding emphatically while crossing her arms with disdain. 

Severus was beginning to grow alarmed at Carrie’s apparent plans at world domination and wondered what he had just gotten himself into. Nervously he began to wonder what might happen to him if he was around such an exuberant person. He had tried his best to keep his head down and had still been targeted by those loathsome marauders. How much worse would it be if he was friends with someone who seemed hellbent on garnering as much attention as possible? Seeing as he hadn’t agreed to any type of friendship, he hoped that by simply avoiding her where possible she would forget about him and he could return to his attempts at being invisible. Only after he had repaid her in kind, of course. He did have his honor to think about. 

Giving her a slight smile, he nodded and held up his book. Perhaps she was oblivious to hints and needed a more direct approach. “Well, once again, thank you for the brownies. If you wouldn’t mind, I would like to continue reading until we get to the castle.” 

“Oh! Of course! No problem, I’ve also brought along some reading so I’ll just leave you to it, your Highness!” Standing up to rummage around in her bags above them, she pulled out a book of her own and settled down with her legs tucked under her. Feeling curious as to what Carrie could possibly be reading, Severus peaked over his cover and had to stifle a snort. She was currently enthralled with The Successful Witch’s Guide To Business. My, what a page turner. 

The hours slipped by and just as he walked with Jane through the moors, he watched as their real counterparts flew by just outside his window. What would it be like to wander out there? Lost and alone. Trying to flee the one person who you had ever loved romantically. Trying to escape and yet knowing your heart would forever be bound to that person despite their tragic choices? Walking the endless miles in physical freedom and being so utterly caged mentally and emotionally? 

While he might not have been out there walking the moors with her, he felt like his own life was made up of an endless wasteland that he just couldn’t seem to escape. While Hogwarts offered a certain type of freedom from his own personal Hell, it was simply a pretty illusion. His home life was the deepest pit in Hell and Hogwarts was a couple levels higher, but still Hell nonetheless. Peace and safety still seemed utterly unobtainable. 

Severus’s thoughts drifted to what had happened just before his mother had taken him to the train station and his father’s words played in an echoing discordant refrain. 

_“You little piece of shit!” The slap rang out harshly in the otherwise quiet room. “Why do I have to use my hard earned money t’send you to some school tha’s not teachin you anythin useful! I should’ve known you’d be just like your useless mother!” Eileen cowered in the corner trying to inch forward tentatively reaching out._

_“T-tobias, I’ll just take him to the train now, shall I? I-if we d-don’t leave soon, he won’t be able t-to go at all.”_

_Severus glared at his feet, nails biting into the skin of his palm and leaving little crescent moons in his skin. His face burned desperately from where his father had struck him. Feeling desperately useless, he couldn’t wait for the day that he could fight back. For now, there was nothing he could do unless he wanted to bring terrible consequences down on both himself and his mother._

_Spitting on the floor at Severus’s feet, Tobias glowered over at Eileen, “Fine. Take the boy. At least I won’t have t’look at him for the rest of the year.” Shoving Severus into the wall so hard that his head rebounded, Tobias drunkenly stormed past to go flop onto the threadbare couch. Shaky hands led him out of the door to begin their journey to Platform 9 ¾._

Luckily even though he was bruised, it wasn’t anywhere other people could see and so he would be able to hide his shame until he could get his hands on some dittany. Severus looked down at his clenched hands. With great effort, he forced them to relax so that they were resting loosely curled on top of his book. The crescent moons on his palm seemed to wink up at him. Over the years, Severus had clenched his hands in such repressed rage that there were multiple occasions he had actually drawn blood. As a result, the scars seemed to show his history in the phases of the moon that traipsed across his palms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see I'm updating sooner than I had thought. This will probably happen a lot depending on how inspired I am. It's both good and bad because I can't guarantee when those spikes of creativity will happen, but I hope to update at least once a week if not more, so yeah! Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Yours Truly

Severus had managed to lose Carrie in the crowds after they had arrived at Hogwarts. Moving closer to the carriages, he gazed for the first time at the sinister beauty of the thestrals as they shifted and pawed the ground. At first glance, they seemed intimidating but the longer he gazed the stronger he felt himself drawn to them. While they looked like something out of a nightmare, there was something almost spiritual about them, like the silence that surrounds you after a fresh snowfall… 

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Severus made his way to a carriage. After an unfortunate episode the year before, he knew better than to have his precious books out in the open while so closely surrounded by the enemy. Patting his bag to reassure himself that they were safely tucked away, Severus mentally prepared himself to be in close quarters with people he would be glad to never see again within this lifetime. Ignoring everyone pointedly, he stared fixedly out of the window and allowed his imagination to run wild as they approached the castle. This must have been what Lizzy felt like when she first gazed upon Mr. Darcy’s estate. If someone he was on the fence about owned such a castle, he probably would be more inclined to like them as well. 

After everyone had been herded into the Great Hall, Severus managed to snag a seat at the very end in case he had to make a quick escape after the proceedings. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Carrie moving up and down the table swiveling her head in every direction. His stomach began to sink as he had a sneaking suspicion he knew exactly who she was looking for. Bending his head lower, he tried to think small thoughts but it was to no avail. 

“Your Highness!” A loud, cheery voice rang out close to him. At this point he had no choice but to look at her. Apparently neither did anyone else because he saw several heads turn with his own to see who was making such a racket. Once they had located the source of the noise, they then looked around to see who she could possibly be referring to. Angry red spots of color appeared on Severus’s cheeks as she sat down opposite him and the students around them began to snicker cruel amusement. Before Carrie had a chance to say anything more to him, a scathing voice cut through the sneers. 

“Your Highness?” Lucius Malfoy gazed over at Severus with eyes that looked as though they had found their next meal despite the food laid before them. “Calynn, you couldn’t possibly be referring to that sniveling little half-blood, could you?” 

At this, Carrie looked over at Lucius and gazed unblinkingly at him until he started to shift uncomfortably. Smilingly politely, she held up both her hands and promptly flipped him off before turning back to Severus ignoring the sputters that accompanied her hand gesture. 

“Hey, sorry about that. Malfoy is a right prick and wouldn’t know royalty if it hit him in the face.” Looking down at her plate, her smile faded a little as she looked back up at Severus. “I won’t call you that in front of others again if it makes you uncomfortable, though. I really should’ve thought of that before I called out to you.” 

Once again finding himself blinking in pure shock at what had just transpired, he felt his shoulders relax slightly as her words and actions sunk in. He was surprised to realize there was a part of himself that was tempted to let her call him that wherever she jolly well pleased. Realizing the inconvenience this would cause him in the long-run, however, he shook his head. 

“While I don’t mind you calling me that while in private, I think it would be best if you simply called me by my name while in mixed company.” He couldn’t help but smile softly as Carrie’s shoulders slumped in obvious disappointment. 

As she spooned mashed potatoes onto her plate she nodded sadly, “Yeah, alright. I totally understand.” Brightening up suddenly she pointed her spoon at him with such vigor, potatoes landed on his robes. Goodness, this girl’s moods were going to give him whiplash. “But you just said ‘in private’! As in we’re going to be talking in private! As in you’ll let me keep talking to you and then we’ll become friends, and then we’ll become best friends, and it’s going to be great!” Nodding to herself much more happily this time, she settled in to finish her meal. 

Severus had to fight the urge to face-palm. He had said that, hadn’t he? No wonder this girl was a Slytherin. She was masterfully manipulating him and he hadn’t even noticed. It didn’t even seem like she was aware of what she was doing. He wasn’t sure if that made it scarier or not. He took the time during the sorting ceremony to get his thoughts together and regain some semblance of balance. Trying not to show how shaken he was by how this whole day was transpiring, Severus nodded to himself slowly as he got Carrie's attention. It was time to try to diplomatically leave the corner he had verbally backed himself into. 

“As we were talking about before, I do imagine there will be other times where we will talk privately since we are in the same House, after all. It only makes sense that we would run into each other from time to time.” He could see the wheels in Carrie’s head start to turn as she narrowed her eyes at him. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, there is something I must attend to before I go to bed.” As he said this, Severus stood up and bowed slightly before turning quickly and making his way out of the entrance hall. 

"Okay, well I'll see you later Severus! You can count on it!" Shaking his head at what sounded more like a threat than a promise he walked faster. All he really wanted in this moment was some peace and quiet so he could sort out his thoughts and write a letter. His mind started to wander as he allowed himself to think about what he would put in this letter and as he rounded a corner he found himself suddenly on the ground without knowing how he got there. 

“Whoa! I’m so so so sorry! I wasn’t looking where I was going, here let me help you!” At this declaration, a hand appeared in front of his face. 

“No, it’s quite alright,” Severus assured as he got to his feet, “I wasn’t looking eith-” As he spoke Severus finally looked up to see who he had run into. “Oh. It’s you.” None other than Remus Lupin was standing in front of him still holding his hand out awkwardly. Realizing this, he jerked his hand back as though burned. “I… yes it’s me. Hullo, Severus. I hope you had a good holiday.” 

“I don’t see how it relates to you either way how my holiday was. I apologize for running into you, now if you’ll excuse me.” Severus made to walk past the irksome, spineless, pathetic sop of a boy but a hand had touched his arm. Feeling his impatience rise, Severus tried to tamp down on his initial reaction of hexing the boy’s hair green. 

“Yes? What is it? I have things I need to be attending to,” he bit out in frustration. 

“I… I hope you have a good term this year, Severus.” Being unable to hold Severus’s piercing gaze, Remus looked at the floor and shifted from foot to foot. Severus felt it was physically impossible to hold back the sneer that appeared on his face. 

“Well, now. That would be entirely up to you and your horrible little group you call friends, now wouldn’t it?” At these words, Remus went a little pale and looked like he was about to say something more, but Severus cut him off. “It does not matter to me what excuses and platitudes you could possibly try to offer me at this point. I have no desire to associate myself with anyone who finds pleasure in torturing and humiliating others for sport. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must be going.” Sweeping away from an even paler looking Remus, Severus gave himself a mental pat on the back. He would 100% be including this interaction in his letter tonight. He was certain Jane would be proud of him for standing up for himself so eloquently. 

Making his way towards the Owlery, Severus clutched his bag tighter and hoped that no one else stopped him on his way. It was already getting close to curfew and he had no desire to be out later than was allowed. Finally making it to his second favorite place in Hogwarts, he cleaned a small section of the floor so he wouldn’t be sitting in owl droppings and proceeded to pull out his parchment and quill. Suddenly he felt the woosh of air and beating of wings as an owl came to land gently on his shoulder. 

“Well, hello again my dear.” Severus started petting the soft feathers of the owl he had become friends with the year before. The owl nibbled softly on his ear in affection and Severus couldn’t stop the smile that spread over his face. He had no idea why this one in particular seemed so attached to him, but it had quickly become his best friend in the living world. This owl knew all of his secrets and heartaches and he never felt judged or pitied. It was a wonderful feeling to merely be listened to and supported. There was no way of knowing whether this was a school owl or one that belonged to an actual student, but Severus had taken to calling him Colonel Brandon, Colonel for short. 

No matter how much Severus loved Colonel Brandon, however, there was nothing all that special about him. The Colonel looked like every other barn owl at the school, and Severus was a little ashamed to say that unless the bird came to him, there was no way to pick him out of a line up. There was nothing remarkable about Colonel Brandon apart from the love that Severus held for him. 

“Another term, Colonel. Hopefully you’ll be willing to send off my letters for me again. I really appreciate all your help last term.” Severus felt Colonel fluff up his feathers and nudge the side of his face as though taking pride in his job well done. “Well, if you’ll be patient, I shall have another letter here for you in a moment.” At this, Colonel settled his wings and made himself comfortable on Severus’s shoulder. Smiling at the bird’s adorable antics, Severus began to write. 

_Dear Jane,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. This is my first letter to you (of many to come) of this new term at Hogwarts. I am now officially a second year and I look forward to what I will learn this year, especially in potions. As you know, charms and defense against the dark arts also hold great interest to me. You’ll never guess what happened to me on the train here! There was a girl named Carrie (I later came to find out her last name is Calynn) and she not only spoke to me kindly on the train, but she also gave me the most delicious brownies I had ever eaten! She is a year ahead of me in school and has offered not only help in my studies this year, but also friendship… I really can’t say that I know what to do. She seemed perfectly genuine, honestly one would think she was a Hufflepuff the way she carries on. Hah. “Carries on.” No pun intended. Anyways, I just don’t know if I can actually allow a friendship with her to take place. What if she betrays me? What if once she gets to know me, she realizes she doesn’t like me after all? What if I let her in and then she hurts me and leaves me? It just seems like such a great risk to take when I am perfectly content with the friends I already have. I’m used to being on my own. I’m not sure I know any other way of being. I do wish, however, that you could actually write back to me and give me advice. I can guarantee you would know exactly what to say._

_I suppose you had your great friendship with Helen, but then Helen passed away due to the tuberculosis. I cannot imagine you ever regretted becoming her friend, though, even though she left you. Although, she did not choose to leave you. It is different, I suppose… I just really don’t know what to do, Jane. Maybe if I read your book again, I’ll find some answers. I know I’ve lamented about this in the past, but I really do wish you were in this world with me instead of the pages of my book. It does not do to dwell, I suppose._

_Oh! I saw the thestrals for the first time this year. It must have been due to the fact that I was in the room when my grandfather on my father’s side passed away. They were… hauntingly beautiful. I felt quite drawn to them. Even though they seem to represent pain and death, there is something so… soft and gentle about them. I wonder if I could possibly become friends with them as I’ve become friends with the Colonel?_

_Today has been quite the day, as I was on my way up here I literally ran into Remus Sodding Lupin. Excuse my language, but I must say that that boy is quite repulsive. While he never actively participated in my humiliations last year, all he did was stand by and watch as his so-called friends tormented me. The nerve! I could tell he was uncomfortable every time something happened, but the spineless wimp wouldn’t say anything against them! He is no true gentleman, and that is a fact. If he is so scared that by saying something, he’ll lose their friendship, what good is their friendship in the first place? If you have taught me anything, it is that we are supposed to be true to ourselves no matter what other people say or do. We must respect ourselves if we are to hope to gain any sort of respect from those around us. Thank you, dear Jane, for teaching me this lesson. I might be alone, but I know I will always do my best to act like a proper gentleman and live knowing I am worthy of respect._

_Yours Truly,_

_SP_

After finishing his letter, Severus stood up and walked to the window. Colonel hopped onto the stone wall and held out his leg for the letter to be tied to. Smiling to himself, he finished tying off the letter and gave the bird a pat. 

“Thank you for your service Colonel, now if you could just send that where it belongs, I’ll be most grateful.” Colonel chirped his acceptance and flew off into the night. Leaning onto the window sill, Severus stared up at the stars. _Tomorrow. We’re starting again tomorrow. It’ll be okay. I can do this… I can do this._


	4. Moonlight Across the Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - describes a panic attack

Remus really hadn’t meant to read someone else’s letter. He really hadn’t. He would even take veritaserum if it would make anyone feel better. Not that anyone else knew. Maybe he should tell someone, though? Either way, he needed to have strong words with his owl, the daft thing had left it on his bed sometime during the night, apparently. How was he supposed to know it wasn’t for him, though? There was no name! No marking! It was on his bed! Of course he was going to open it, but then it was addressed to someone named Jane. 

As soon as he saw that the letter was to someone else, he started to close it fully intending to walk to the Owlery. He would just get his bird to send it to the correct person this time. What stopped him, however, was the sight of his own name near the bottom of it. Remus deliberated for a solid ten minutes on the propriety of reading someone else’s private letter, even if it clearly mentioned something about him. His friends had already left for breakfast by the time his curiosity won out. He convinced himself that no matter what the letter said, he would keep it a secret. Remus was good at keeping secrets, after all. It was the least he could do for invading this person’s privacy. 

As he read the letter, so many emotions went through him that he needed to lie down afterwards to rest a bit. Staring at the ceiling, the emotion that won out in the end was pure confusion. What the bloody hell was that? Jane? Helen? Books? Carrie? At least he knew who Carrie was. They had become friends the year before after running into each other at the library multiple times. Both of them enjoyed studying in the back corner next to the window facing the lake and being in the same year, they were able to help each other with their studies. Of course, his Gryffindor friends had no idea, but he really loved Carrie and her larger than life personality. Of course, it wasn’t fair that he asked her not to approach him when he was with his other friends, but she seemed to understand and had graciously agreed. What if they left him? He didn’t want to be ostracized from his own house. Feeling a twinge of guilt, he stopped that train of thought. His leg slipping off the bed jolted him out of his reverie. Breakfast. Right. 

Standing up, still in a daze, Remus looked back down at the letter clutched in his hand. Coming to a sudden decision, he put it in his pocket. It was best to keep it on his person instead of leaving it lying around where anyone could find it. Casting a light sticking charm to make sure it didn’t slip out of his pocket, he made his way downstairs. There were so many things bugging him about that letter that it felt like he was trying to put together a puzzle using only corner pieces. Who was Jane? Who was the sender? SP? How did the person know about the interaction he had had with Severus the night before? But… it was written as though… Stopping dead in his tracks, someone slammed into him from behind and they both went sprawling to the ground. 

After both he and the flustered Hufflepuff apologized to one another profusely, Remus stepped into a quiet alcove and took out the letter. SP… if this was Severus, why wasn’t it SS? But… he hadn’t sensed anyone else in the corridor at that moment and this was clearly written as though the sender had experienced it first hand. It must be Severus then. Bloody hell. It certainly fit with Severus’s attitude towards him. Although, once again he couldn’t blame the boy for thinking those things. Remus knew his friends were always taking things too far and all he ever did was stand back and watch. Suddenly Remus’s chest was so tight it felt like he couldn’t take a proper breath. It hurt. It hurt so badly. Sinking down, he leaned against the wall and wrapped his arms around his knees trying to breathe deeply. 

It was then that he caught Severus's scent. Looking up, he realized that he had brought the letter closer to his face than before. Bringing the letter to his nose, he took another deep breath. Yup. That scent was unmistakably Severus. It brought to mind dark corners, the shade under trees, and moonlight across water. Realizing the knot in his chest had eased a little, he leaned his head back against the wall. Okay. Right. This was a letter Severus had written to someone named Jane. The way he had described Jane, though, made it almost seem as though she didn’t really exist. That would also explain why his poor bird had gotten so confused and just brought the letter to him instead. Oh Merlin, Severus would skin him alive if he ever found out that Remus had not only received this letter, but had actually read it. 

The question remained, however, as to who Jane was. Reading the letter again, for the fiftieth time, Remus realized that she must be a character in a book. What book, though? It was surprising enough to realize Severus was reading anything other than _Moste Potente Potions_ , let alone writing to one of the characters. Eyes widening in another sudden flare of panic, Remus realized that he had to protect this letter at all costs. It was unlikely any of his friends would find, read, and realize who had sent the letter, but it was not a chance he was willing to take. He needed to research a spell that would allow him to blank out the parchment or make it so that only he could read it. There was no way he was going to destroy the letter, after all. It was too precious. 

With this new resolve, he again started making his way towards the Great Hall, only to realize that if he didn’t hurry he would be late for his first class of the term. Luckily he had brought his books with him. Making his way towards Transfiguration, he decided to run. It would not be an ideal way to start the year by getting on McGonagall’s bad side. Sliding into his seat next to James, who gave him a raised eyebrow, he took out his parchment and quill while trying not to show how winded he was. Lightly brushing his hand to his pocket to assure himself the letter was still safely tucked away, Remus smiled blandly at James giving some random excuse as to why he had missed breakfast. What James didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. It wouldn’t hurt Remus, either, for that matter. 

##### ~*~

The day flew by quickly and Remus got so caught up in all his classes and homework assignments that he forgot about the letter and the many new revelations it contained. It wasn’t until the end of the day, changing out of his robes and into his pyjamas that everything came rushing back. Bidding an early goodnight to his friends claiming he wanted to start the year off well rested, he closed the curtains on his four poster bed and settled in to think. What did he want to do about this? He could send this letter as well as a note to Severus explaining the situation. No. Remus could only imagine the wrath that would then descend upon his head. He could just send the letter back with no explanation? Clutching the letter to his chest a little tighter, he realized he didn’t want to do that either. Not really wanting to analyze why he was so desperate to keep hold of something that insulted him so soundly, he continued thinking of his other options. 

Perhaps this was a one time thing? Maybe it was a fluke and if he just did nothing, that would allow Severus to stay happy in his ignorance, allow Remus to stay happy knowing he didn’t have to fear for his life, and no one would be any the wiser. Nodding to himself, he tucked the letter under his pillow and slid into a rather fitful sleep. 

_Remus was covered in letters and try as he might, he wasn’t able to find a way out of the pile that was starting to smother him. His chest was tightening again and he was sure a panic attack was on the horizon. Suddenly, the letters flew around him and coalesced into Severus who stared down at Remus coldly. It was impressive considering Severus was shorter than Remus._

_“Why are you such a coward? How can you even stand yourself? You call yourself a gentleman and yet you know nothing of the term!” Throwing a glove in Remus’s bewildered face, Severus continued, “I challenge you to a duel, you cur!”_

_Suddenly they were in the Great Hall in fencing gear and Remus realized that he was standing in last night’s pudding. The dessert stuck to his shoes and he was unable to move as Severus advanced on him, with his weapon drawn._

_“Wait, Severus! I can’t move!” As if to emphasize his point, the pudding was suddenly all the way up to his knees. “It wouldn’t be a fair fight if I just stood here while you beat me up!”_

_Severus was suddenly directly in his face and their fencing gear had disappeared. “Fair? FAIR?” Severus shouted with such vehemence that spit landed on Remus’s cheek. “Interesting how you are more than willing to stand there, unmoving when the unfair fight is brought to me, but as soon as the unfair fight is brought to you, it isn’t FAIR.”_

_Horror swept through Remus and he realized that while they were talking the pudding had turned to mud that now reached up to his neck. Panicking once again, Remus struggled and called out to Severus who was now walking into the lake as the moon shone across the water._

_“Please, Severus! I’ll do anything! Please save me” Remus begged as the mud started to seep into his nostrils. Severus merely turned to look at him, anger forgotten as sadness shone from his eyes. Tears ran down Severus's face, making the moonlight brighter. “You would not save me, even though I asked. I refuse to show you the mercy you refused to show me.” At these words, Severus sank below the gentle waves._

_Suddenly realizing that both he and Severus were drowning, Remus struggled as hard as he could to try to reach out and save Severus, even if he couldn’t save himself, but his body wouldn’t obey him as the darkness swallowed him whole._

Waking up in a panic, Remus couldn’t breathe and flailed around in his bed until he realized that the thing constricting his body and breathing was merely a blanket he had gotten tangled up in. Sorting himself out, he tried to once again calm his breathing only to realize he was crying. Were these feelings of guilt and self-loathing really worth the acceptance of three other boys? Was he actually any less alone now than he had been before? While they might be nice to him now, it was only a matter of time before they found out what he truly was. And then what? Not only would they stop being his friends, Remus would most likely find himself on the other side of their bullying as well. If worse came to worst, they would tell their parents and he would be expelled because Dumbledore wouldn’t have a choice. Remus might even get separated from his family and sent to Azkaban! His family would also be implicated for hiding a werewolf and they might be sent to Azkaban as well! What if he bit another student while he was here? Why had he thought he could come to school?! He was just a danger and a burden to everyone around him! Maybe the ministry was right, maybe he should be executed! 

Ears ringing, Remus realized that far from calming himself down, he was now in the middle of a full blown panic attack. Gulping in shallow breaths, he threw back his covers. Hospital Wing. He had to get to the Hospital Wing. Shakily trying to keep his sobs down so the other boys wouldn’t hear, he made his way down to the common room. Throwing floo powder into the fire, he gasped out, “Hospital Wing” as clearly as he could. 

Tumbling out of the fireplace, Remus realized he couldn’t stand even if he wanted to because he was so shaky from hyperventilation that standing, let alone walking was impossible. Suddenly he felt gentle hands lifting him onto his feet as he was supported to one of the beds. It was only after a calming draught was given to him that was able to understand the soothing words being spoken to him. 

“...lright dear, just lay back now. There’s a good boy. Just take nice, deep, big breaths for me. Can you follow my breathing? In… out… in… out… there’s a lad. Well done, dear. We’re just going to make this blanket a little heavier for you to feel nice and safe under.” 

As the pressure from the newly weighted blanket settled into his bones, Poppy’s soothing words continued to flow over Remus as he tried his best to follow her breathing. Once he felt mostly under control again, he opened his eyes and looked up at her. 

“S-sorry P-poppy, I know it’s j-just the first day of cl-lasses and I’m already h-here again.” 

Poppy shushed him gently and she dabbed a handkerchief at his freshly falling tears. “Now, now. None of that, dear. While I’m not happy about the circumstances, I’m glad to see my favorite patient again so soon.” That earned her a small smile and she continued, “Now, do you want to tell me what brought this attack on? It can’t already be homework, you’re only a third year on your first day of classes, afterall.” 

Remus opened his mouth to try to explain, but the words clogged up his tongue and he realized he couldn’t speak. Looking up at Poppy, he tried again, but his vocal chords had seized up and he wasn’t even able to utter a sound, let alone any of the words fighting to get out of his brain. Realizing he was about to spiral again, Poppy put her arms around him and held him close. 

“No dear, it’s alright. There’s no need to talk or explain right now. Once your mind is a little more calm the words will come of their own accord. Just know, I’ll always be here to listen when the time comes.” Pulling back out of the embrace, Remus couldn’t help the tears that fell again, only this time they were tears of gratitude. It might seem strange, but the Hospital Wing was his favorite place in the whole school, and was followed closely by the library. “Just stay here as long as you need, and I’ll send you back with some calming draughts for you to take in case of more panic attacks.” Rocking him back and forth gently in a warm hug, Remus was finally able to fall into a restful sleep clutching the crumpled letter in his hand he hadn’t even realized he was holding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It never made sense to me that students would have to walk all the way through the castle to get to the Hospital Wing. So I'm changing the rules here and saying that there is a connection between all the fires in the common rooms to the Hospital Wing and the floo powder has been adjusted to only allow them access to that particular place.


	5. In for a Penny, In for a Pound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Bullying

Several weeks had passed since that eventful first day back, and Remus had had time to calm down and collect himself. He was currently recovering from the full moon that had just passed. No matter how good Poppy was at helping to heal his self-inflicted injuries, he always looked like he had been beaten to a pulp. He was starting to wonder how long this excuse would work on his friends. Apparently he had an uncle who was terminally ill, but not too terminal, and he and Remus were very close. Every month this uncle requested that Remus come spend time with him to help him take care of his hippogriffs. They were unable to tell when this uncle might die, and so Remus kept visiting him each month ‘just in case,’ because he really wanted to be there for him, but who knows? This uncle could end up living for several more years. Better safe than sorry, as they say. Luckily, his brash Gryffindor buddies hadn’t questioned this story at all, and seemed to find the fact that he was some sort of hippogriff tamer to be royally awesome. 

Looking at the new scars he had gained on his arms, he hoped no one questioned why they looked more like sharp teeth when hippogriffs had beaks. Perhaps his uncle had crazy dogs? Wondering how much of his skin would be left unmarred by the time he became an adult, Remus sighed, giving up all hope of ever being handsome. Perhaps he could cover them with tattoos when he grew up? That would be radical! Getting lost in his fantasy of what his tattoos might look like, he didn’t notice his owl shooting straight for him over the tables until it was too late and a letter smacked him in the face. 

Spluttering, Remus swore at the naughty owl as it flew away. “Damn you, Archie! Why can’t you just give me my mail like other birds?!” His mates chuckled at him as they continued eating breakfast. 

“What’cha got then, Remus?” James asked with a mouth full of beans and toast. 

Looking down at the envelope that had no sender and no address, he realized with a jolt that it must be another one of Severus’s letters. Trying to smooth over his reaction, he opened the letter at a careful angle and said, “Oh! It’s a letter from my uncle checking up to make sure that the new scars I got from one of his hippogriffs are healing correctly. He gets worried really easily about infections and stuff. Bit of a hypochondriac, to be honest.” 

Giving himself a mental high-five for his quick thinking, Remus tucked the letter away to read it properly later. Wait. Should he? This was the second one, after all. It was only supposed to have been a fluke the first time! What if he kept getting all of Severus’s letters? What then? Even as he thought these things, however, Remus knew deep down that he would read the letter. In for a penny, in for a pound, after all. If Severus found out, he was dead either way. 

Having to wait until lunch to read the letter was the hardest thing Remus had had to do in a while. Shoving his lunch as fast as he could into his mouth, he mumbled some excuse to his mates and rushed away. Trying to walk as fast as he could without actually running, he made his way to the library and settled down in his favorite nook that was tucked away out of site from everyone else. Taking the letter out, he realized that his hands were trembling. Why was he so excited to read this letter? He really shouldn’t be doing this. Shoving his conscience aside, he opened the letter and started to read. 

_Dear Anne,_

_Classes are in full swing now, and I have already been utterly swamped with homework. While my other classmates seem to be struggling, however, I have found the materials to be engaging and, as per usual, wonderfully fascinating. Defense against the dark arts really is such an interesting class. While I understand that the witches and wizards around me fear the darkness, I can’t help but sympathize with it. Of course, I do not wish to inflict these things onto other people, but if you do not truly understand the other side, how can you hope to protect yourself? With understanding, perhaps there are even ways to reverse the darkness. Perhaps that is why I am so drawn to the subject. I feel I have been surrounded by darkness my whole life, if I could understand it, maybe I could bring light to it and by extension, myself._

_On another note, Carrie has been harassing me. That girl is beyond stubborn and seems to routinely refuse to accept that I wish to be left alone. Every other day I find myself beset with some new treat that she has created. Where she manages to make these things is a mystery, unless the house elves have granted her access to the kitchens. I suppose that is the only thing that makes sense, after all. It seems as though I’ve gained at least a quarter stone due to all the food she keeps forcing me to eat. She keeps insisting I’m too thin as it is, so it doesn’t matter, I suppose. I have to admit… I do enjoy her food and her company isn’t that horrible. She does have many interesting things to talk about. I learned that her parents are famous in the fashion industry. Something about cloaks or capes, I wouldn’t know seeing as I could never hope to afford them. Apparently her siblings are top tear models or some such rot. Also did you know it is possible to imbue emotions into the food you bake? I’ve never heard of such a thing, but Carrie really does seem to be her own shade of brilliant._

_Strangely these past few weeks have been peaceful. Even though my fellow Slytherines shun me, unless they need me for something, no one has been actively cruel to me since the start of term. I can’t help but feel it’s been building up to something and I keep looking over my shoulder waiting for the penny to drop. I have no idea what that group of heathens is planning, but I won’t let my guard down._

_Speaking of them, Lupin disappeared again this last month and came back looking as though he had taken a beating. This happened last year too. Every month he disappears somewhere claiming an uncle with a hippogriff farm. Utter bollocks if you ask me. Hippogriffs don’t leave those kinds of wounds. If they wanted to injure you, you’d be dead. So that begs the question, where does he go? What happens to him? Many markings look like they could be from an animal, but others are harder to place. Perhaps… I hope they are not self inflicted. Or maybe he also has toxic relatives? It is possible he has found himself in a situation he has no power over and is being abused… just like me. It would explain quite a lot of his behavior… Still, it does not excuse him. Obviously I still hate him, but a gentleman should never turn a blind eye to someone so desperately in need. I shall have to look further into this. He may need help, even though I would never give it personally, but perhaps I could persuade Carrie to do so._

_Thank you for being such a good example of kindness and charity, even to those who do not deserve it. Hopefully I can be more like you as I grow into the man I hope to become._

_Sincerely,_

_SP_

Remus’s hands slowly dropped to his lap as he attempted to process all of the emotions rushing through him. Once again fear rose to the forefront with the knowledge that Severus was observing him so closely. It was clear that Severus was clever enough that he would work it out eventually. It was no longer a question of ‘if’ but ‘when’. The other emotion that was battling against fear, however, was tenderness. Here was this boy who had been a victim of bullying, bullying that Remus had allowed to continue, who was actively worrying about Remus’s welfare and wondering what he could do to possibly help. 

Severus had talked as though he came from an abusive household. That… that meant that he went from one horrible situation to another horrible situation. No wonder Severus seemed to know so many curses and protective spells even though he was only a second year. This poor boy only wanted peace and he was in such a constant state of fear that when peaceful moments happened, he couldn’t enjoy them. They were merely the calm before the next storm. Remus could relate to that on a painfully personal level. Something fell onto the letter and Remus realized that he had started to cry. Pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes, Remus tried to get himself under control again. Why did everything have to be so exhausting? Peace was something Remus also wanted. He just wanted a moment to exist free of fear, but that was something he wasn’t sure he could ever have again. 

Realizing that lunch was almost over, he gave himself another minute to calm down again before he had to leave. Carefully Remus drew his wand over the letter and charmed it to make sure that he was the only one who could read it. It had taken a while to find the right spell, and then more time to actually get it right, but now he could carry the letters without fear. Placing this one carefully next to the first one, he closed his bag and started towards class. While going down to the dungeons, Remus realized he would be having potions with the Slytherins, which meant that he would be able to see Carrie. Maybe he could pull her aside after class and talk to her. He really needed someone to talk to right about now, and if he was being painfully honest with himself, he knew he could never truly open up to his so-called friends. 

Trying to get Carrie’s attention during class without anyone noticing was next to impossible. She sat near the front, almost directly in front of Slughorn, so sending a note was not going to happen. She had also promised not to acknowledge him in front of others so that no one would know they were friends. Remus would just have to follow her after class and see if he could drag her into an empty classroom or something. 

Remus really wished he could be better at potions, but due to the fact that he was a werewolf, the potions reacted differently to him than they did to everyone else. All he would ever be able to manage was mediocre potions. His main goal at this point was ‘don’t kill anyone’. After handing in his sad attempt, he followed the rest of the class out into the halls and tried to see if it would be possible to catch up with Carrie. This attempt proved futile, however, when he heard something that made his blood run cold. 

“Snivellus!” Sirius’s voice rang out through the crowd. Oh no. No no no no nononono! Not now, please, this couldn’t be happening! Whipping around Remus watched as all of the students suddenly started backing away from Severus who was left standing alone in the middle of the corridor with his wand already drawn. Severus’s face was cold and blank, but Remus could see his hands were trembling. Shit. Shit shit shit! He couldn’t just stand by this time. Couldn’t let Severus be bullied like this again. But his legs froze. His voice wasn’t working. All he could do was watch as Sirius stepped forward flanked by Peter and James. 

“Well well well,” Sirius drawled as he sauntered forward, gathering his audience. “What do we have here, boys? Been a while since we last saw you, Snivellus. Been keeping your nose to the floor where it belongs?” 

The other boys snickered and James stepped forward as well with a sneer, “Looks like it’s been a while since you last bathed too. I can smell your greasy slime covered hair from here.” Several more students joined in the laughter this time. Remus’s hand twitched and his breathing accelerated. He couldn’t let this go on. Move dammit. Move! 

“Ah yes, such an intelligent insult,” Severus spat back. “It must be hard for you both when you can only insult my looks. Your looks seem to be the only things truly going for you. The rest of you leaves everything to be desired.” Severus’s voice took on darkly teasing quality, “Don’t worry, Black, Potter, you’re good looking enough that you won’t go hungry on the streets because I’m sure someone would be willing to buy you. Though once they have a taste of you, they’ll realize how rotten you are on the inside.” 

Twin looks of outrage crossed the faces of both boys. Sirius looked livid as he yelled, “What did you say to me you little piece of troll shit?! You’re not even worth the dirt we stand on!” Watching as both Sirius and James pulled their arms back to cast their hexes, Remus finally went into action, pulling out his own wand and hurling a shield over Severus. Remus’s shield covered Severus just before his own went up. Watching Severus’s eyes widen in shock as he felt Remus’s protection made a burst of warmth go through Remus’s chest. Severus’s eyes flicked over to Remus and their gazes met for just a second right before Sirius’s hurling hex hit followed closely by James’s own powerful jinx. 

“NO!” A voice shouted as someone ran through the crowd. Carrie, curls swinging wildly about her face kept running even after entering the circle and used her full body weight to knock Sirius to the ground. “You think this is funny?!” She yelled as Sirius blinked dazedly up at her from where he had landed. “You think you’re hot shite when you bully and abuse someone younger than you?! Think you’re all that, do ya’ you stinking piece of flobberworm?!” As her anger grew, her Scottish brogue grew stronger too. “Well FUCK YOU!” She jabbed her finger at Sirius and then rounded on James and Peter as well, who stepped back in sudden fear at the fire in her eyes. “And fuck YOU and YOU!” Suddenly, she turned to Remus and what he saw wasn’t anger, but complete disappointment. 

Turning her gaze back to the boy who still lay sprawled at her feet she leaned in and hissed, “Ya think you’re so brave, Mr. Gryffin-fuckin-dor? Ya think you’re so clever ganging up four to one on a younger student? Well, guess wha? Not only am I goin’ ta inform your families personally about this, I’m goin’ ta inform both our heads of houses too. I’ll take this directly ta Dumbledore if I have ta. And don’ think thas all laddie, nooo, I will become your own personal poltergeist if you continue this type of thing. Believe meh, I have connections. I will _end_ you if you come after Severus ever again.” 

Turning to the crowd that was still gathered around them, she glared at all of them. “You’re all fuckin bastards too for just standing there and watching this shite! Now get out of here, before I hex the lotta ya!” Scrambling away, everyone left as quickly as they possibly could. Walking by Remus on her way towards a shell shocked Severus, Carrie lowered her voice as she passed him, “You and I have to talk. You better be at the library tonight after dinner.” 

Nodding slightly, Remus went over to help James and Peter get Sirius off the floor. Sirius looked like he was ready to burst into flames and James and Peter seemed uncomfortable for the first time since he could remember. Maybe Carrie’s words had finally gotten through to them? Maybe his words could have gotten through too, if he had ever attempted to express them before now. Remus held onto the comfort that he had tried this time, though. Carrie might not have known that, but Remus knew, and Severus knew too. Determination filled Remus’s heart and he knew that even with his own fears, he would never just stand by and watch ever again.


	6. This Moment

Severus could only blink as his hand was suddenly grabbed by Carrie who dragged him back towards Slughorn’s office. If he was being completely honest with himself, his body was on full auto-pilot. His mind could not stop replaying that entire scene over and over again. They had protected him. People had stood up for him. Carrie had pretty much body slammed Black to stop him from hexing Severus again. Lupin… Remus… had cast a protection spell over him. Severus knew full well that if Remus hadn’t added his own protection, that the spells Potter and Black had sent at him would have gotten through. Severus would be on his way to the hospital wing with some pretty severe injuries if not for Remus. 

“-thing about this professor I will bring down all hell over this bloody castle!” Zoning back into his surroundings, Severus realized that Carrie was currently trying her best not to yell at Slughorn, who was mopping his brow anxiously. 

“Indeed Ms. Calynn, I do understand that you are upset, but perhaps it would be best to just keep this between ourselves, yes? After all, boys will be b-” Before he could finish that sentence, Carrie held up her hand effectively silencing him. 

“Professor Slughorn. I was talking about you with my parents the other day. I’m sure you remember who my parents are, yes?” After receiving an emphatic nod from him, Carrie continued, “As I was saying, I was telling them what a wonderful, talented, helpful teacher you are. They were so impressed, they mentioned that they might consider you as a brewer for some potions they need for special garments they wish to create. It would be such a shame if you lost that opportunity, wouldn’t it, Professor?” Severus stared at Carrie as a cold smile, worthy of any Slytherin, stretched across her face. 

“Well,” Slughorn blustered, “Yes, well Ms. Calynn I’m sure we can figure something out. Let me just contact Professor McGonagall and we shall discuss this matter.” Squeezing himself behind his desk, he scribbled a note and sent it flying out of his office. “Won’t you sit down Ms. Calynn? And your friend can take a seat as well.” 

Severus looked dazedly at Carrie, feeling as though his brain couldn’t handle any more input, even if it was just a simple invitation to sit down. She gently pulled out a chair for him and pushed him down onto it. Dropping into the one next to his, she grabbed his hand again and squeezed it as Slughorn started blustering. 

“Yes, quite promising, that brother of yours in fifth year. Pity he isn’t in Slytherin with you. It would be wonderful to see more of him. And your sister as well! She’s in her seventh year, isn’t she? Such promise! Such poise! Yes, she will make quite a mark-” 

Severus zoned out again. What did this mean? What was going to happen now? He wasn’t sure he could just forgive Remus for everything that had passed between them, but he also knew how difficult it must have been for him to go against his friends. Especially considering his blatant cowardice before. What had changed? Why now? Severus didn’t think anyone else had seen Remus defend him, so perhaps he should just wait and see before passing any type of judgement. It was entirely likely that Lupin would merely fade back into the shadows after this freak incident of chivalry. More and more questions circled around Severus’s head as Slughorn continued to drone on in the background. 

The door suddenly swung open and Professor McGonagall strode in. 

“What is the meaning of this Professor Slughorn? I have class in fifteen minutes, so you best be quick about whatever it is you’re going to say.” Slughorn sputtered for a second before Carrie stood up to face her. 

“Please, Professor, I was the one who asked for you to be sent for.” Once again, Severus sat there and blinked as Carried told the entire story from start to finish, only correcting her once. 

“It was four against one professor! Black, Potter, Pettigrew, and Lupin all had their wands raised against Severus and -” 

“Three.” Severus said quietly. Everyone turned to look at him. He cleared his throat and stood up as well, facing Professor McGonagall. “It was three against one. Black and Potter were the ones who attacked, but Remus was defending me. He put up a protection spell around me just before the other two attacked. I- I don’t think Pettigrew actually did anything besides raise his wand.” Looking at the floor, he missed the relieved smile that crossed Carrie’s face as her shoulders relaxed from the last bit of tension she had been holding onto. 

After Carrie had finished telling the story, including all her colorful language, McGonagall merely looked down at Severus studying him. “How long has this bullying been going on Mr. Snape?” She asked pensively. 

“It… it started near the beginning of last year, Ma’am,” Severus replied in hushed tones. He really didn’t like drawing attention to himself. Nothing good ever came of it. 

“Thank you for bringing this to my attention Ms. Calynn, ten points to Slytherin,” McGonagall nodded as she turned back to Carrie. “Rest assured, this will be dealt with immediately.” Turning back to Severus she hesitated before putting a hand gently on his shoulder, “I am only sorry that this continued on as long as it has. Why did you never come to your professors, lad?” 

Staring up at her in shock, Severus shook his head, “I… I honestly didn’t realize it was something I _could_ come to you about. It always seemed like it was my own burden to bear. No… no adult has ever really listened to me before. I didn’t want to burden anyone with my problems…” McGonagall’s eyes filled with sadness, but then she shook her head, drawing herself up. 

Giving a sharp nod to all of them she said, “Well then, once again thank you for bringing these things to my attention. As I said before, this will be swiftly dealt with. Please remember that should you need me or any other professor for any assistance, you need only ask. I have a class now, I’m afraid, but you both shall be receiving owls from me requesting your presence later. You have suffered a traumatic experience, and you are excused from classes for the rest of the day. I shall be sure to inform your other professors. Go visit Madam Pomfrey so she can check on you.” After giving Severus’s shoulder another squeeze, McGonagall swept from the room, cloak billowing impressively. 

Once again grabbing his hand, Carrie trotted them both to the Hospital Wing. As they neared the doors Carrie slowed down and finally stopped, standing in front of the doors staring at Severus for a second before pulling him into a bear hug. 

“I’m so glad you’re alright. I’m sorry I didn’t get there sooner. I promise I’ll bake you a billion scones if you’ll forgive me for not being there for you.” Her breath hitched as though she was trying to hold back sobs. 

“... Carrie. I don’t mean to be rude, but do you know how utterly ridiculous you sound? Forgive you for not being there? Forgive the first person who ever stood up for me? Forgive the first person who literally put herself in harm's way to protect me? Forgive the first person who has fought to make my life better? Forgive the first person who has literally begged me to become their friend and not taken no for an answer. If you ask me to forgive you then no. I don’t forgive you because you shouldn’t be asking for forgiveness in the first place.” 

By this time Carrie was giggling as she stepped back, wiping the tears away from her eyes. “Right, well as long as we’re on the same page then. Come on, your highness, we need to get your royal bum checked to make sure you’re alright.” Grabbing his hand again, she pulled him into the Hospital Wing, calling out for Madam Pomfrey. 

After Madam Pomfrey had fussed over both of them, making sure that neither one had been unknowingly injured, she sat them down in the ‘calming corner’ with two bars of chocolate and ordered them not to move from there for at least fifteen minutes. Carrie grabbed several blankets and pillows and made a comfortable nest on the ground. After placing Severus in the middle of it, she carefully went and grabbed several puffskeins which she gently placed on his lap as she settled down with her own next to him. Petting the soft fur of the little magical beasts immediately helped Severus to feel a little better. Reality seemed a little more grounded around him as he settled back against the cushions munching on his chocolate. 

~*~ 

Remus didn’t say anything as he helped Sirius to his feet. He didn’t say anything as they made their way to their next class. He didn’t say anything as he listened to the other boys curse Carrie and Severus out. And he didn’t say anything when they were all summoned to McGonagall’s office after dinner. It wasn’t that he didn’t _want_ to say anything. This time it was because he had _too much_ that he wanted to say and absolutely no idea how to say it. 

There were so many thoughts swirling in his head about the past two years. Last year it was Severus. The year before it was some poor Huffelpuff. Every moment that he stood by and watched as the other kids had been bullied spiraled through his head. With each memory came the words he had wanted to say, but buried under his fear. Now the words seemed to drown out everything else and were becoming so loud he wasn’t sure how he wasn’t screaming at the moment. 

Stepping into McGonagall’s office behind the other boys, he first saw Severus who was standing in front of her desk looking at him quietly. Remus’s eyes then flickered to Carrie who stood there beaming at him. Good, she knew then. A little burst of happiness went through him knowing it must have been Severus who told her. Of course he had, Severus was a gentleman after all. Smiling softly to himself at that thought, he placed himself behind the other boys, but as close to Carrie and Severus as he dared in the moment. 

Turning her severe gaze on the four of them, McGonagall pursed her lips. “Well, I suppose you all know why you’re here this evening. I have heard Ms. Calynn’s and Mr. Snape’s side of things and now I wish to hear your side. Explain.” 

Stepping forward James opened his eyes wide and pleading, “It wasn’t our fault professor!” Pointing at Severus, he continued, “Snape attacked Sirius and we were just defending ourselves! I know you wouldn’t believe a couple of lying snak…” At this point James slowly trailed off. As he had continued talking, McGonagall’s lips had become so thin that they had disappeared altogether. 

“I think that’s enough of that Mr. Potter.” Standing slowly, she reached out her hand. “Would you care to test the truth of your story against the story your wands will tell me? Or perhaps against the thirteen other students I have spoken with to confirm the story? I had hoped that even with the despicable way you three acted that you would have the guts to admit to what you did. I see now my hopes were misplaced.” The three boys paled at her words, unconsciously hiding their wands from her sight. 

“Twenty points from Gryffindor will be taken from the three of you and you will all serve two weeks of detention with Mr. Filch.” Glaring down any attempts at protests, she turned to Remus, “Instead of giving you points, Mr. Lupin, your reward for your actions will be that you will not have to serve detention with the others. I do hope that in the future you will no longer be a participant, active or inactive, in any kind of bullying.” 

Ignoring the shocked looks that were being sent his way, Remus smiled at McGonagall and nodded. Giving him a nod in return, McGonagall glared back at the boys in front of her. “And when you leave my office, do not even think about trying to get any type of retribution against your fellow students. I will be placing a binding spell on your wands so that they will only be able to perform the spells required by your classes. There will also be a restriction placed on them that will deny access until you are in an actual classroom with a designated teacher supervising. 

If you attempt to hurt your fellow students through more physical means, just be aware that I will be speaking to Professor Flitwick and we will be setting up monitoring spells throughout the entire castle. No one will be able to raise so much as a finger against another without a teacher being immediately notified as to time, location, and identity of the students involved. 

All of these announcements will be made tomorrow over breakfast in the Great Hall, but I wanted to personally warn you that I will be keeping an eye on all three of you until you can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have matured. Your wands will remain this way until that day comes. If I catch you bullying another student during your time here at Hogwarts, just know I will make it my personal mission to see you expelled. Just remember that you were put into Gryffindor for such characteristics as bravery, but bullying is the worst type of cowardice there is and I am completely disappointed in you. You may go.” 

As they all left her office, Remus could practically see the rage radiating off of James and Sirius. Peter was looking around furtively as though he wanted to be anywhere but in their general vicinity. Severus started making his way in the opposite direction, but Carrie tugged on Remus’s arm to get his attention. 

“Hey Remus, I just wanted to say thanks and that I’m really proud of you, mate. I’d still like it if we could meet in the library. We’ve still got a couple hours till curfew and I really want to talk to you.” 

Remus smiled at her and nodded, “Yeah, sure Carrie. No problem. I’ll be there in a few minutes. There’s just something I need to do first, then I’ll see you there.” Carrie looked over Remus’s shoulder at the retreating backs of the other boys. 

“Cool, just be careful please. They might not be able to physically do anything anymore, but I’m sure they’ll get creative.” Giving his arm a pat, Carrie turned back to Severus who was waiting for her. Looking at Severus, Remus gave a small smile and glowed with happiness as it was returned to him for the first time ever. He had never seen Severus smile before, let alone smile at _him_. Oh. He was going to remember this moment forever. 

Turning around, he ran to catch up with the other three. Well, two. Peter had disappeared in the brief moments that Carrie had pulled him aside. 

“James! Sirius!” Remus called and watched as the two boys turned their scowls on him. 

“What the bloody hell was that Remus?” Sirius growled at him. “How come we got our wands taken away, got detention, and put on probation but you got off scot free?” 

“Yeah! You were attacking Snivellus the same as us!” James thundered. 

Taking a deep breath, Remus knew this was his moment to break his silence. “No. I wasn’t attacking him, James. I was protecting him. Like I should have been doing this whole time.” Watching their jaws drop in shock made this whole moment worth it. “Look, I want to thank you for allowing me into your group and talking with me and allowing me to hang out. It’s really hard for me to make friends and open up to people, but the thing is, I don’t want friends like you. 

Everything everyone has said to you today is true. You aren’t actually good people. I understand that everyone has their reasons for acting the way they do, but I really hope you’ll think about what type of people you want to become in the future. If you want friends who stand by you because you are true, loyal, kind, and courageous. Or if you want followers who merely tolerate your existence because they fear what you might do to them. 

Frankly, I was one of those people. I’ve only stayed with you because I was afraid of what you might do to me if I was on the other end of your anger or hatred or even just your boredom. I was constantly scared that you might just turn on me one day and that would be that. You have the power to make someone’s life miserable, but you also have the power to make someone’s life absolutely wonderful. Hopefully you’ll choose differently from here on out. I’d love to become actual friends with you if that ever happens, but until then just know I won’t be talking with you or hanging out with you anymore.” Without waiting for a reply, Remus turned and made his way quickly towards the library. Frankly, he was still scared, he didn’t know what was going to happen now that he had thrown his security blanket away, but truthfully, he wouldn’t trade this moment for anything.


	7. Content

When he reached the library, Remus went straight to the corner that he and Carrie always studied at together. Carrie was sitting, staring out over the water of the lake idly twirling a piece of her hair looking lost in thought. 

“Hey, Carrie.” Remus touched her shoulder lightly in greeting and settled on the chair opposite hers. He should have known better because as soon as he had sat down, Carrie was up and around the table, dragging him up into a tight hug. She held on for several moments before she let him sit down again. 

“Remus, I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. I was really pissed off when I saw you with your wand raised against Severus, but that was before I knew you were actually defending him. I really wasn’t going to say anything in front of anyone, but believe me when I say I was planning exactly how I was going to hex your bollocks off if you didn’t get your shite together.” 

Chuckling, Remus nodded. He really shouldn’t have expected anything less from Carrie. “Yeah, I get it Carrie. Honestly I probably still deserve to have my bollocks cursed off, but I do appreciate that they’re still attached to me. Just so you know, I’ve cut all ties with Black and Potter. Frankly, I don’t know where Pettigrew went off to, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t talk with them again either. He seems to be the type who wants someone to hide behind instead of actual friends… just like me.” 

“No!” Carrie cut in emphatically. “Not just like you! You might have been pretty cowardly before, but I know you want true friendship or else you wouldn’t have given me the time of day.” 

Nodding reluctantly, Remus let out a long sigh of frustration as he let himself melt onto the table in front of him. Putting his hands in his hair, he ruffled it violently before sprawling further over the table. “Ugggghhhhhhhhhh. Carrieeeee. I know I did the right thing. I know I did… but what am I gonna do now? There was literally no one else I talked to before this and I’m really bad at making friends… clearly. No one from Gryffindor is going to talk to me after this. Not that they really did before… maybe I’m freaking out about something I don’t really need to freak out about.” 

Carrie had started to pat Remus’s head and was gently stroking his hair as he finished his rant. “Look Remus, I know it’s going to be hard, but I promise I won’t let you be alone. Come eat with me and Severus during meals, or we could go to you. Study with us, hang out with us. During the times we can’t hang out just try your best to talk to the other people around you. Make more friends from Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. I know for a fact if you make sad eyes at a Hufflepuff they will try to befriend you in two seconds flat. You won’t be alone and better yet, you’ll hopefully start making friends with people who actually care about you!” 

Smiling as he slowly sat up, he looked at the earnest face across from him. “Thanks Carrie. I don’t know what I would do without you. You really are a wonderful friend.” 

Returning his smile, she said, “I know you’ve wondered in the past why you were put into Gryffindor when you don’t feel brave at all. The thing is, not only did you show great bravery by standing up to those stuck up little snots, you showed loyalty and honor and integrity. I feel like even if you are a little more alone now than you were before, you won’t hate yourself anymore because you’ll actually be living the way you always wanted to. You’ll be able to be the person you always wanted to become. No one is holding you back or standing in your way anymore.” 

Standing up, Carrie went around the table and pulled Remus into another hug. “Just remember that you aren’t actually alone, you have a friend who cares about you, and you’ve got this. If they try to give you any shite just tell me or McGonagall and we’ll get them thrown out on their asses so hard they’ll get hemorrhoids.” 

Unable to contain his laughter, Remus stepped back shaking his head, “Merlin, Carrie, the mouth on you.” 

Grinning evilly, Carrie fluttered her eyelashes. “You love me like this, don’t even pretend you don’t.” 

Returning the grin he said, “True, you’re right. I do love you like this.” Grabbing their bags, they headed for the door and walked towards their common rooms. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at breakfast.” Remus waved and headed towards his dormitory. Merlin, this was going to be awkward. Perhaps he could just sleep on the couch? No, there was no point avoiding the inevitable. Best to just get it over with. It would be like this for the rest of the school year, after all. Maybe he could switch with someone next year. 

Making his way up to Gryffindor tower, Remus had a lot of time to contemplate what he wanted from himself. While it was true that it was dangerous letting anyone get too close, could he really blame himself for craving relationships? He was a wolf, after all. Wolves were supposed to be in packs, it was only natural that he wanted that type of stability and belonging. Regular humans wanted that too! It wasn’t fair to expect that Remus would get along just fine all by himself with no one to lean on or turn to. 

Wandering through the common room and up to his bed, Remus wondered if he would ever be able to belong anywhere. Ignoring the other boys who were sulking together on Sirius’s bed and whispering nasty things about everyone not realizing that Remus’s ears could pick up every word they were saying, he got into his own bed and drew the curtains closed. Settling in, he let his mind wander again. Being friends with Carrie was starting to help him feel as though he had a true pack to belong to, even if it was just one other person. He also knew he could talk to his parents whenever he needed to, but they couldn’t give him the type of companionship he longed for. Even though he was only 13, he longed for the day when he would be able to find that special someone to share his life with. Mate the wolf whispered in his mind. 

Suddenly his mind flashed to Severus. Standing in McGonagall’s office was the closest Remus had ever gotten to Severus for an extended amount of time. Severus had seemed confused and a little withdrawn still, as though he hadn’t quite made up his mind as to whether Remus was truly trustworthy. Guilt and sadness filled Remus’s chest, but he tried his best to breathe through the feelings. It was going to be ok, he would prove to Severus that he was trustworthy even if it took him a lifetime. 

He could still see Severus’s dark eyes glancing at him warily through his long hair. His elegant fingers clutching his wand as though gripping a lifeline. Severus’s mouth as it opened slightly in shock registering Remus’s protection spell. Then the small but beautiful smile Severus had directed at him filled his mind’s eye and his heart clenched painfully. Severus’s scent still lingered on the letters and Remus pulled them out from his pocket and took a deep breath letting the sharp smell of herbs shadow fill him. Without warning, the wolf came violently to the forefront of Remus’s mind as the scent surrounded him. It took all of Remus’s willpower to stay in bed instead of sprinting down to the dungeons in order to find Severus and claim him. _Mate!_ The wolf howled desperately in his mind. 

Sitting up violently, curling in on himself as he clutched his stomach Remus suddenly realized that his body was responding to these images and stimuli. He held himself still breathing heavily in shock, willing both his body and the wolf to calm down. Oh dear. Oh no. Clutching the letters more tightly to his chest, Remus came to a sudden devastating realization. He had a crush on Severus. Not only that, but the wolf had also decided that Severus belonged to it now and he could tell that it would do everything in its power to claim Severus as its own. 

Groaning, Remus let himself fall back onto his pillows. Why this? Why now? How had he not realized before? Of course, he had a crush on Severus. It all made sense now. The wolf stirred in his mind again trying to make him go to his mate. Feeling slightly nauseous Remus put a shaky hand over his eyes. He couldn’t do this. How was he supposed to spend any time around Severus now? Sighing, Remus knew there was nothing for it. He would have to just ignore these feelings and hope they went away. He might have had a chance if he was just a normal boy, but he wasn’t. There was also the fact that Remus wasn’t even sure if Severus liked boys or not. All Remus could do was watch and protect Severus from a distance and comfort himself with the letters. Hopefully Carrie wouldn’t insist that all of them hang out together all of the time. 

~*~ 

Carrie wanted Severus to hang out with Remus. Severus huffed out a breath and tried to remind himself that he had officially admitted to friendship with her and as such was not allowed to hex her, no matter how annoying she was. 

“Why must we spend time with him? While I’m grateful that he is no longer a coward, that doesn’t mean that I want to actively spend time with him.” 

“Come oooonnnn, pleaaaseee? I’ll make you all of the chocolate treats that you could ever want! I’ve been working on a concentration cocoa that could potentially help you a lot with your studies! Did you know chocolate is Remus’s favorite as well? See? You already have so much in common!!” 

It had been several weeks since everything had happened and just as McGonagall promised, she had made an announcement the morning after about her anti-bullying measures. As a result, Severus had experienced feeling truly safe and at peace for the first time since he could remember. Although peaceful may not have been an apt description. During those weeks, Carrie had made it her personal mission to get all three of them to hang out together as much as possible. While Severus did not mind spending meal times with Remus, he was having a very hard time seeing why he needed to spend his down time with the other boy as well. Especially considering how weird Remus’s behavior had become in the last few days. 

“Hey guys!” Speak of the devil. 

Both of them turned around to see Remus jogging towards them. Reaching them, Remus’s hands went out automatically before he seemed to catch himself. He then continued to reach towards Carrie giving her a tight hug. This had become commonplace within the last few days. Severus had no idea what was going on, but Remus had seemed to suddenly adopt Carries affinity for touching. There had even been moments where he had seen them holding hands. Anger shot through him at the thought and he had to tamp down his urge to pry them off of each other. He wasn’t sure who he was actually angry at or why, but it didn’t matter. They just needed to start keeping their blasted hands to themselves, dammit! 

After Remus was done hugging Carrie, he turned almost hesitantly towards Severus and reached out to gently squeeze his arm. "H-hey Severus, how's it going?" Blinking at him, Severus raised an eyebrow. 

"Nothing has changed since I saw you at lunch two hours ago. I am doing well, however, I have a class to get to so I'll see you both later." Trying his best not to blush as he left the awkward exchange, he cursed Lupin in his head. 

Severus knew that Remus wasn’t the only one who was being weird and rather ridiculous, but he had been feeling strange for the past while and he didn’t know why. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Remus anymore, it was just that Remus made him feel really shy. It was actually worse now that Severus knew they had several things in common and that it was truly enjoyable talking to Remus. There had been several conversations he had been drawn into without realizing it and they had ended up talking for long periods of time. He rather hated how much he was actually enjoying Remus’s company. 

Severus had caught himself looking at Remus when the other boy wasn’t paying attention. It was insufferable how Severus’s mind seemed constantly drawn to Remus without his consent. True, the boy had rather lovely hair, and his eyes were the color of Severus’s favorite chocolate, and Remus might have been in possession of a rather attractive dimple, but this was ridiculous! There had even been moments where Severus’s body had… done things. It was totally unacceptable and he was determined to stay as far away from Remus as possible. He wasn’t sure if puberty had finally hit him or what, but he was not enjoying it. 

Winter holidays were fast approaching and Severus needed all of his wits in order to pass his exams with the marks that he wanted. He had absolutely no time to be thinking about a boy who up until a little while ago had been a complete and total flobber worm. He also didn’t want to admit it to himself, but Severus was scared to go home. He had just barely gotten a hold of what he craved the most in terms of safety and contentment, but he was worried that that would all fall apart again as soon as he left. It seemed as though Carrie and Remus preferred one another anyways, so it was more than likely that they would forget about him when he was gone over the break. 

There was also no telling what his mother and father were going to be like this time around. Sometimes when he was home, his father merely drank himself into a stupor and left them both well enough alone. Sometimes, though, if they didn’t have enough money for alcohol, he and his mother were forced to pay the price. 

Shivering despite himself, he hugged his arms trying to keep himself from falling apart. Even if two of the world’s most annoying people had attached themselves to him, even if he might lose them soon, he was happy and he just wanted to stay in this moment forever.


	8. Prized Possessions

Remus knew he was acting weird, but his stupid body wasn’t listening to him anymore. It was absolute torture being anywhere near Severus at this point. Anytime they were even remotely close to each other, the wolf rose to the surface and did everything it possibly could to get close to Severus. There were so many moments where Remus had caught his hand already reaching out to Severus’s hand. So many moments where he was already halfway to a hug and had to drastically change direction in order to hug Carrie instead. This happened a lot. In fact, all of his aborted attempts at touching Severus ended in him reaching out to Carrie instead. It’s a good thing she was already really touchy feely because she didn’t seem to mind at all. In fact, it seemed as though she thought the whole situation was rather hilarious. 

Seeing as this had never happened to him before, Remus had decided to try to research more about werewolves and wolves in general. The information he found about werewolves was utter trash written by highly prejudiced people who had no idea what they were talking about, but the things he had found about regular wolves were actually useful. Apparently wolves went through a mating season that usually centered around the winter months. It was also common to see wolves mate for life. Of course this was happening to him. Of course he didn’t have to only deal with the monthly changes, but also had to deal with being in heat too. Great. Just lovely. As if being a normal hormonal teenager wasn’t enough. 

Even though he had promised himself to stay away from Severus, he knew it was impossible at this point. Not only had the wolf chosen Severus, but Remus also really liked him and had given up all pretense at staying away. That being said, Severus still didn’t seem to fully trust Remus and had shown no signs of wanting to open up to him. As Christmas drew closer, Remus knew that he wanted to get gifts for both Carrie and Severus, but he had no idea if Severus would even accept a gift from him. 

Carrie had insisted that they all have a Christmas party together. Apparently she had talked the houselves into helping her decorate a room and was already planning all of the food she would make for it. It hadn’t gone over well when Severus had pointed out there were only three of them and making a ton of food was a waste. It seemed that the subject of food and the amount of said food was not up for discussion when it came to what Carrie wanted to make. 

Remus already knew exactly what he would get for Carrie, but was a little more worried about Severus’s present. His first thought was to get him a book like the ones he had mentioned in his letters. After Remus had written his own letter to his mom asking her if she knew any of the book characters, he had discovered their titles and had done some research into them, even going as far as to buy his own copies. In his down time he had started to read them and was surprised to find that he legitimately enjoyed them. No wonder they were considered classics, because they were brilliantly written. Thus far, Remus hadn’t found anything in Severus’s letters to indicate he had read _Sense and Sensibility_ , so maybe that was an option? Or perhaps he should get him a copy of one of the stories that he knew Severus loved? 

It was hard knowing if it would be okay to give something like that as a gift to Severus, because he hadn’t told either Carrie or Remus about the books he held so dear. There was a lot that Remus was stressed about when it came to his new friends. While it was wonderful actually having people who seemed to care about him, rather grudgingly in Severus’s case, but that was beside the point, he was having a hard time figuring out who he was as an individual. He was no longer expected to just follow people around laughing at their jokes and basically just being an afterthought. Both Carrie and Severus had such strong personalities and knew exactly who they were and what they wanted and encouraged Remus to do the same. Remus felt a different kind of pressure to try to find out who he actually was as a person. He had no idea it would be such a difficult thing to do. 

The full moon was also coming up and it was the second one he would be passing with his new friend group. It was both an advantage and a disadvantage to have such smart people around him. While it was nice to have intelligent conversation and help with school work, he knew his rather shoddy excuses wouldn’t hold water for very long with them. Perhaps it was time to switch up his story and kill his uncle off? Maybe this month he could go to his funeral and explain his injuries as being a run in with one of his uncle’s nasty dogs… That would mean having to come up with a whole new excuse, however, and frankly he didn’t have a great imagination. Oh well. He would cross that bridge when he came to it. 

~*~ 

It was the day of the party Carrie was forcing him to attend and Severus still hadn’t decided what to do about gifts for the other two. He didn’t like to admit it, but he had never given nor received a present and it felt like a big occasion. It was also difficult because he had no money to buy anything so all he could do was make something for them, but he had no idea what they could possibly want! Having run out of time and despaired at giving them anything they might actually like, Severus had decided to make a potion for Remus and to bake cookies for Carrie. 

At this point, he had just accepted that Remus was going to be a thorn in his side. A very sweet and kind thorn in his side. A thorn that, if he was being honest with himself, he didn’t hate but might very much actually like. A thorn that really needed to stop hugging Carrie. If they were going to date then they should just date already and let him wallow in his misery. If it really was just friendship, then that made it even more insufferable. If Remus was going to hug Carrie all the time, then he might as well hug Severus too. They had both forced him into this ridiculous situation to begin with so they might as well treat him equally. He conveniently forgot that he was giving Remus the cold shoulder at every opportunity. 

Sighing as he looked at the potion he had just finished, he wondered if this could actually be considered a present. Apparently Remus’s uncle had passed away a couple weeks ago, and Remus had had a rather bad run in with his dogs. Severus still wasn’t sure if he believed those stories, but either way Remus seemed to be in pain regularly. Hopefully this potion would help him relieve some of those aches and pains. Although, now that he really thought about it, Remus could probably get all the pain potions he needed from Madame Pomfrey. Oh well. Too late now. 

Soon after becoming official friends with Carrie, she had introduced him to the kitchens and all the houselves that worked in them. Making his way towards them now, Severus wasn’t looking forward to his first foray into baking. He knew that Carrie had made an obscene amount of food for the party and was currently putting the finishing touches on the room. Being the sentimental person that she was, however, he figured she would appreciate the effort of making her food, no matter how badly it turned out. Once he entered the kitchens, Toodles, the head elf, came running up to him. 

“Master Prince, your highness, sir, we is been expecting you, sir! So good it is to see you again, sir! If you is coming this way, please!” At this, Toodles led him to a portion of the kitchen that had clearly been set aside just for him. “We is hoping you has all of the things you is needing. Please tell us if you is missing anything and we will gets it right away!” 

Smiling at the bobbing elf, Severus nodded, “Yes, thank you Toodles, everything looks perfect. I really appreciate your help.” As he gave his thanks, the elf twirled his large ears in bashful happiness. 

“Master Prince, your highness, and Mistress Calynn is always welcome in the kitchens. We is loving having you both here.” Giving a low bow, Toodles scurried off to help with dinner preparations. 

Severus still felt slightly uncomfortable being treated like actual royalty despite being called ‘your highness’ by Carrie every day. She had called him that in front of the houselves and they hadn’t let go of it since. The houselves seemed to prefer to act this way, however, and as such he supposed it was something he would just have to get used to. They had all been scandalized when he had bowed to them in return the first day Carrie introduced him. It had taken half an hour for one of them to stop sobbing. Best to just let them be. 

Looking at the ingredients in front of him, Severus suddenly felt inadequate to his task. He had never baked the muggle way, let alone with magic. Pulling himself up, he told himself it couldn’t be all that bad considering how well he could handle potions. Rolling his sleeves up, he looked at the recipe and dove in. 

Magical baking, it turned out, was not like potions at all. This was his third set of butterbeer cookies and he had just barely managed not to completely burn them. They were still on the extremely crunchy side, however. After asking a houself what time it was, he realized that if he didn’t leave now, he would be late and Carrie would never forgive him. Sighing as he packed up the cookies into a cute box the elves had provided him with, he put them into his bag and made his way to the charms corridor. 

Entering the room was like walking into a Norman Rockwell christmas card. There was a blazing fire, fake deer, floating holly berries, garlands strung across every available surface, snowflakes hovering over their heads and piles of fake snow in the corners, he even thought he spotted some mistletoe next to a window. He would have to avoid that one. 

Severus had only had a second to take in the festive mess before him before he was being tackled in a bear hug. 

“HAPPY CHRISTMAS YOUR HIGHNESS!” Carrie shouted, unable to contain her excitement. “Do you like it? Isn’t it pretty? I can’t wait to give you your present!” 

Unable to keep himself from laughing, Severus tried to pull away from her. “Carrie, while I appreciate your enthusiasm, I’m finding it difficult to breathe.” At this Carrie let him go reluctantly only to bounce away to grab something. 

Suddenly Severus was faced with Remus who had been standing back, watching the proceedings with an amused smile on his face. Realizing that Severus was looking at him, Remus cleared his throat and stepped forward. 

“Happy Christmas, Severus.” 

“Happy Christmas, Remus.” 

At this, Remus seemed to hesitate before he stepped a little closer. “Um. Well, I was wondering if… if you wouldn’t mind terribly, that is. If you would be okay with, um, me-” at this Remus’s voice got so quiet that Severus couldn’t hear him. 

“... Could you please repeat that? I have no idea what you just said.” 

Clearing his throat, Remus flushed as his eyes darted over to where Carrie was fussing about the placement of her pastries. 

“I was just thinking that, you know, since Carrie and I hug all the time and we’re friends, that maybe you wouldn’t mind if I also gave you a hug since we’re also, you know, friends…” Remus finished lamely, looking like he wished he hadn’t said anything at all. 

Severus’s heart rate picked up dramatically and he cursed his stupid physiology. “I… Lupin are you really asking if you can hug me?” 

Remus’s shoulders sagged and he gave a self deprecating laugh as he rubbed his neck in a nervous tick. “Yeah, you know what? Don’t mind me, just forget I even said anything. It was silly of me and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Let’s go enjoy all the food Carrie made for us, yeah?” 

As Remus turned to walk away, Severus’s hand darted out to grab his sleeve. “Wait! I… I didn’t say no. I was merely surprised by how painfully awkward you were when asking. I… I don’t mind if you hug me. I appreciate that you wanted to respect my boundaries. Very… gentlemanly of you.” Why was he still talking? Why was this so painful? It was just a hug for Merlin’s sake! 

Remus had slowly broken into a blinding smile as Severus kept talking, however, so he supposed it wasn’t all bad. 

“Yeah, okay, wonderful. I’ll just… um…” At this, Remus pulled Severus closer and wrapped his arms gently around him and then more tightly as Severus didn’t pull away. 

Severus had grown used to hugs from Carrie, they were lovely and warm and he would never admit to loving them as much as he did, but he was not expecting the jolt of what felt like electricity that raced through his body as he came into close contact with Remus. Remus was taller than Severus, whereas Carrie was relatively the same height, so it was a much different experience all around. As he relaxed into the hug, Severus breathed in Remus’s scent and realized that he had never felt so completely safe in all his life as he did in that moment. It was over quickly, however, and they both stepped back looking a little flushed only to look over and see Carrie grinning at them wickedly. 

Remus gave a nervous chuckle and squeezed Severus’s arm as he stepped back. “W-well, thanks for that, Severus. I… I don’t suppose it would be okay if we hugged more often, would it?” 

Not trusting himself to say anything at the moment, Severus merely nodded and started walking stiffly towards Carrie. 

“Well that was the cutest and most awkward thing I have ever been forced to witness,” Carrie said blandly as she sat the boys down at the table. “I’m glad my boys are finally getting along! It’s about time! This is all thanks to me, you know, so you should both be grateful!” 

She made space in front of her and pulled out two painfully bright packages. Bouncing in her seat a little, she motioned that the boys should get their presents out as well saying that she couldn’t possibly wait another minute to give them their gifts so they had better be prepared. 

Chuckling, Remus pulled out his gifts while Severus bit his lip hoping they wouldn’t hate him after tonight. Finally giving in, Severus pulled out his gifts as well and they all handed their presents to each other. 

“Okay, Remus should go first and then Severus and then me!” Carrie exclaimed while grabbing a pumpkin pasty. 

Grinning, Remus pulled Carrie’s present towards himself and ripped into the paper without hesitation. Pulling the lid of the box away, his eyes widened and he looked over at Carrie in excitement. 

“Carrie, these chocolates look amazing. My mouth is already watering. You made all of these, didn’t you?” 

Beaming in pride, Carrie nodded. “Each one has a different function! I’ve labeled all of them, but for example this one is cheery chocolate with caramel and this one is a whimsical wafer with whipped ganache! They all help to give you certain moods that last for about half an hour. Let me know what you think because it’ll help with my future business.” Looking self-satisfied, Carrie leaned back crossing her arms behind her head. 

Reassuring her that he would take detailed notes, Remus then pulled Severus’s gift towards himself. As Remus lifted the lid on the much simpler package, Severus’s nerves shot through the roof. He shouldn’t have done a potion. That was such a stupid idea. Why hadn’t he come up with anything better during the past weeks? Watching as Remus pulled out the phial, Severus clenched his hands into fists accidentally digging his fingernails into his palms again. 

Remus’s inquisitive gaze met his own and Severus felt the urge to grab the potion and throw it into the fire. “It’s… it’s a potion.” Cursing himself for saying something so stupidly obvious, Severus tried again. “What I meant to say was that it’s a pain potion that I brewed for you. You always seem to be getting yourself injured in some fashion or another and I figured that a pain relieving potion might be useful for you. Although, I only realized after I made it that you could get all the pain potions you need from the Hospital Wing.” Cutting himself off, he cursed himself again for his nervous rambling. He hadn’t learned ‘obliviate’ yet, but he was going to look it up tomorrow. 

Remus was looking silently down at the potion in his hand and when he looked up, Severus was unsure how to interpret the piercing gaze directed at him. Clearing his throat he said, “Well, anyways. I hope it’ll prove useful to you.” Suddenly he was being pulled up and Remus was once again hugging him. Having been unprepared for this hug attack, Severus wasn’t quite sure what to do with his arms. Suddenly, Remus’s voice was in his ear and it took all of his willpower not to gasp. 

“Thank you, Severus,” Remus whispered. “This means more to me than you could possibly know.” Letting him go just as suddenly as he had hugged him, Remus gently sat Severus back down into his chair before sitting down again himself. 

Still a little stunned, he didn’t see Carrie smiling happily at them both until she reminded him that it was his turn to open his presents. Blinking back into focus, Severus pulled Carrie’s present towards him and carefully unwrapped the paper, knowing that he would keep it along with whatever was inside. Opening the lid, he saw a lumpy red and green scarf with matching mittens that looked like they might have one too many holes. He absolutely loved them. Pulling them out reverently, he immediately put them on and turned to Carrie with a soft smile. 

“Thank you, Carrie. They’re perfect.” 

Laughing with an embarrassed blush, she shook her head, “No they’re not, they’re absolute rubbish. But I wanted to try my hand at something that wasn’t baking and this is what happened. I’m glad you like them, though. Also, look! Red and green! It’s our house colors combined to symbolize our inter-house friendship!” All three of them laughed at this for a bit before settling down again to watch Severus open Remus’s gift. 

Fingers shaking a little, Severus took his time with the wrapping paper again. A gasp escaped his lips when he saw the book that now lay in his hands. It was a copy of Jane Eyre, with a gorgeous dark cover full of silver vines and beautiful calligraphy. How much had this cost? Wait… how did Remus know what books he liked? Severus had made absolutely sure to keep his preferences to himself. Even though they were all friends now, Severus couldn’t guarantee that this wouldn’t be the one thing that would turn them against him. 

After several moments of silence where Severus merely stared at the book in his hands, Remus cleared his throat. “Well, I know this isn’t your typical book of choice, but I have to admit that I’ve recently taken to reading these types of books and I liked them so much that I thought you might also enjoy them as well. I hope it isn’t too weird or anything. If you don’t like it, I can take it back and get you something else…” 

Upon hearing this, Severus clutched the book to his chest and shook his head. “N-no. No, thank you. I… um. Well, I have also happened to read books like this on occasion and I… enjoyed them as well. So thank you. I will keep this.” Realizing it wasn’t normal to clutch a book to one’s chest, Severus wrapped it in it’s paper again and put it carefully into his bag. There was no way Remus could know, but he had just given Severus his most prized possession. 

It was now Carrie’s turn and they all laughed at how excited she was by the enchanted flour that Remus had given her. They all knew she would be using it to bake something as soon as possible. Upon opening Severus’s present, however, she started to tear up. 

“C-Carrie?” Severus asked, startled. “I-I know that they probably taste horrible and you’ll most likely break a tooth on them. You know what? You should just throw those away, no one should eat them because they’re probably dangerous.” Trying to grab the cookies from her, he was shocked when she shoved one in her mouth and started crunching away avidly while tears slid down her face. 

“Ver pewfect, Sewus,” she mumbled while crunching and crying. After she had finished two of them, with Severus staring at her open-mouthed having no idea how to handle the situation, she tucked the rest away and pulled Severus into a bone crushing hug. 

“No one has ever baked me anything before. Those were the best cookies I’ve ever had. Thank you, your highness.” 

Hugging her back tightly, Severus smiled into her shoulder. “I’m glad I now know how bad your tastes are. You’re a baking fraud and have no place in the kitchen.” All three of them laughed heartily at this. 

Settling down to eat and talk, they all gathered around the fire. After a while, they played several rounds of exploding snap as well as some card games Remus had brought with him given to him by a muggle uncle. It was a magical evening that Severus never wanted to leave. He had never felt like such a kid before and he briefly thought of all the friends in his books and how happy they would be for him. A part of him still wished they were real so that he could share this moment with them as well. Looking between the two people who were laughing beside him, however, he knew that no matter what happened, he would always have these memories to look back on.


	9. Hollow Ice

A week later, their exams were over and they all found themselves packing to go home for the winter break. With every piece of laundry Severus folded, he found himself growing more and more anxious. Carrie was sitting on his bed, happily chattering away as she helped him pack his things. After finishing with her own packing, she had taken it upon herself to assist him with his as well. Severus felt it was a little improper for her to be watching him pack his underthings, but when he had raised this concern, she had merely laughed saying she had three siblings, two of whom were boys. Apparently he had nothing that she hadn’t seen before, and wasn’t that a rather disconcerting thought. 

Finishing with his clothing, Severus looked at his books, especially the book Remus had given him as a present. Severus had looked up several preservation spells and had done his best to make sure it would never be sullied. He had already read through it twice and had taken to sleeping with it next to his pillow, even though he would rather die before admitting such a thing. Lightly brushing his fingers across the cover, his insides felt hollowed out as he realized there was no way he could risk bringing it home with him. It would have to remain here at the castle until he got back from the break, otherwise there was no telling what his father might do if he were to find it. Better to not risk it at all. 

Suddenly, he realized the room had gone quiet. Looking up he met Carrie’s searching gaze. 

“You know it’s okay that you like those types of books, right?” Carrie asked softly. 

“I… what? What do you mean?” Turning away from her with a blush, Severus started placing his books gently into a drawer that he would spell shut later. 

“Well, to be honest I may have peeked at a few of your books,” Carrie admitted with a sheepish grin. 

Feeling his anxiety ratchet up that much further, his stomach started tying itself into knots. Turning back around to glare at her, Severus placed his hands on his hips, “And why, may I ask, did you feel the need to snoop into my privacy?” He knew he probably shouldn’t be this upset by the news, especially considering Carrie’s words, but for some reason he felt violated. This was something he had kept so close to himself for so long that it felt as though someone had used legilimency to look into his head without permission. 

Putting her hands up in a placating gesture, Carrie rushed to explain herself, “Look, it’s just that there’s no way someone reads that many potions books no matter how interested you are in the subject! I know I shouldn’t have snooped, and I’m sorry, but you left a couple of them out on the study table one day, which you never do, and I just really wanted to see what you found so fascinating about them! I was really surprised you went to all the trouble of charming the covers to look different, but honestly I understand considering how many bloody idiots go to this school.” 

Severus hugged himself around his middle and stood there, not knowing how to react or what to say. Realizing he had no words to offer, he merely turned around again and started grabbing more things to pack. 

“I really am sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I know you have every right to be upset with me, but honestly I’d really like to know more about them if you’d be willing to tell me. I started _Pride and Prejudice_ one time, but couldn’t get past the first chapter.” 

Wheeling around Severus gaped at her. “Couldn’t get past the… Carrie! I am personally offended on Ms. Austen’s behalf! While it might not be my favorite, _Pride and Prejudice_ is an absolute classic with fascinating characters, a wonderful story line, and a brilliant commentary on the social framework of the d-” Cutting himself off, Severus put a hand to his forehead realizing what Carrie had done as she sat there giggling at him. Feeling both annoyed and endeared, Severus shook his head. “You are a menace,” he told her as he continued to pack. 

“Yes, but I’m your menace and I know you love me, no matter what you say.” At this Carrie laid back on his bed, making herself comfortable. “I really do mean it, though,” she continued as she started playing with the scarf she had made him. “You should tell me more about these books, because I know they’re important to you since you went to all the trouble of hiding them and bringing them with you in the first place. I always see you reading them in any spare time you have and anything that is that important to my friend, is important to me.” 

As Carrie had continued speaking, the knots in his stomach started to ease and he realized that it might be a really wonderful opportunity to share something he loved so dearly with another person. His thoughts flitted to Remus and how he had mentioned that he had started reading some of those types of books. Severus hadn’t had the courage to ask which ones, but maybe if Carrie was willing to discuss them with him even though she hadn’t read any of them, Remus might also be willing to talk about them. It could be their own little book club. 

As though sensing his thoughts, Carrie said, “I’m sure Remus would also be interested in your books. He got you that one for Christmas, after all. I think he also said he was reading them.” Sitting up, she grinned, “We could all talk about them together, and you might actually convince me to read one of them!” 

Smiling slightly to himself at her obvious enthusiasm, Severus nodded, “Even though you were horribly nosey and had no right to look, I would appreciate being able to talk about my books with other people.” Smirking he glanced sideways at her, “I’m sure I can get you to understand the appeal even if you are too uncultured to truly cherish them the way they should be.” 

Gasping in mock horror, Carrie threw a sock at him, “Are you calling me a peasant?!” Severus merely raised his nose in the air and sniffed haughtily. 

Gasping again, Carrie flopped back onto the bed, “You are! You are calling me a peasant! Although, I suppose since you’re royalty you have every right to do that.” 

Closing the lock on his trunk, Severus sat down next to her and smiled smugly down at her. “I’m glad you’re finally acknowledging your place in society. You should be grateful I’m willing to grace you with my presence.” 

Carrie laughed so hard she started tearing up. After wheezing out her last giggles, they cast a tempus charm and realized it was time to go grab Remus since they needed to be heading towards the carriages that would take them to the Hogwarts Express. 

Severus was grateful that Carrie had unknowingly distracted him from the growing dread of going back home. It was difficult because he now knew what true happiness and contentment felt like. Before, he had simply been miserable year round and as such, it wasn’t as hard to go back and forth between the two. Facing the idea of going back home now, however, made him feel like he was going to throw up. 

Just as he was contemplating exactly how queasy he was feeling, he saw Remus at the end of the corridor waving at them. His chest clenched a little more tightly at the prospect of saying goodbye to both of his friends, even for a short amount of time. 

“Hey guys!” Remus greeted them warmly, wrapping an arm around both of their shoulders. After Severus had agreed to more hugs from Remus, the other boy had been showing his physical affection much more freely. Severus would never admit how much he enjoyed all the contact. There seemed to be a lot of things Severus was going to be taking to his grave. 

They all walked down to the carriages together and found one that was relatively empty. Carrie and Remus were used to Severus being more quiet and reserved than them and as such, they didn’t question it when he slipped into a pensive silence. He was grateful they weren’t asking questions as he watched the snowy towers fade into the distance. Even in the heated interior of the carriage, Severus could feel a cold chill start to seep into his bones and he wondered vaguely if he would splinter into a million icy bits. 

Finding an empty compartment on the train wasn’t easy, but they eventually found one and settled in for the long journey. Carrie pulled out several snacks and said the houselves had sent her off with more food than she knew what to do with. Handing a little package to Severus and another to Remus, Severus couldn’t help but smile when he opened it. It was labeled ‘Master Prince, his Royal Highness’ and inside were his favorite sandwiches and cakes. He wasn’t sure what form of gratitude the houselves would accept, but he would try to thank them somehow when he got back. 

“So I know it won’t be for very long, but I was thinking we should all be sure to write to each other over the holiday because even though I’ll be totally fine without you two, I know both of you will be desperately missing me,” Carrie announced in between bites of her own sandwich. 

Remus chuckled and nodded in agreement, “Sure Carrie, I think that’s a fun idea. I know I will want to hear what you guys will be up to over the break. It’ll keep me entertained, because my family never does anything for the holidays. I’ll just be cooped up at home the whole time.” Looking as though he was already bored out of his mind at the mere thought, Remus suddenly perked up, “Oh, but this’ll give me a chance to read more books! Severus, you should give me some recommendations!” 

Without either of them realizing it, Severus’s breathing had started to escalate. Letters? No, they couldn’t send him letters! No owls allowed in or near the house! His father would know and he didn’t even want to think about the beating he would receive if so much as a feather was found. Trying not to hyperventilate, Severus knew he had to come up with some reason as to why they wouldn’t be able to send letters. An idea sprang to his mind and he gulped down a breath, trying to calm himself. 

“While that sounds like a lovely idea,” Severus began slowly, still trying to calm himself, “you won’t be able to send any owls to me because I live in a muggle neighborhood. If anyone were to see owls carrying letters back and forth, they would surely think it strange and start to question why they were flying to and from my house.” Wiping his sweaty hands on his robes, he tried to look as nonchalant as possible while desperately hoping the other two bought his reasoning. 

Remus and Carrie had twin looks of disappointment on their faces until Remus suddenly brightened. “You’re right that sending owls probably wouldn’t be a good idea, but we can still send letters in the muggle post! I send letters to my uncle all the time and he showed me how to do it, so I would totally be able to send you letters the muggle way!” 

Carrie’s mouth hung open as she glared at Remus, “What? No fair! I want to be able to send Severus letters too! Tell me how to send them the muggle way! I need to know!” 

Severus felt both relieved and overwhelmed as he leaned back in his seat and looked out the window, letting Remus’s explanation on the intricacies of muggle post wash over him as he once again watched the countryside glide by outside his window. The moors were covered in mist and there truthfully wasn’t much to see, but as he let the voices of his friends fall into the background, his thoughts wandered to this same train ride at the beginning of the school year. It was the first time he had met Carrie and it had only been a couple of months, but his life had done a complete one-eighty in that time frame. 

Now he had two friends who truly seemed to like him, who protected him, supported him, encouraged him, and even gave him gifts. Riding the train back to his parent’s house, however, felt like all of that was slipping away from him. It all felt like a fairytale and as soon as he stepped off of the platform it would all disappear, like a very tragic rendition of Cinderella. Severus snorted softly to himself at the image of him in a ballgown, losing a glass slipper. 

Jerking awake, Severus clutched the hand that was gently holding his. Looking up into the soft brown eyes that looked down at him, Severus realized that he must have fallen asleep against the window. It made sense, considering he basically hadn’t slept at all the night before. Remus was standing over him and Carrie stood in the doorway looking back at both of them. 

“Sorry to wake you, Severus, but we’re at the platform,” Remus said regretfully as he gently pulled Severus up out of his seat. The only reason Severus was able to let go of Remus’s hand was because he didn’t want Remus to realize just how badly he was shaking. 

They all made their way onto the platform and Carrie brought both of them in for a violent hug. Squishing them both as hard as she could, she said, “Happy Christmas, my boys. It’ll be over before you know it and we’ll all be together again!” Finally pulling back, she smiled brightly, “I promise to write so many letters you both will be sick of me by the time we see each other again!” 

Laughing, Remus shoved her playfully, “We’re already sick of you, no need to add a mountain of letters on top of that.” 

Glaring at him in mock outrage, she shook her finger at him, “You better watch yourself Mr. Lupin, or you won’t be getting any more chocolates from me!” 

Unable to hold back a smile while he watched them, Severus reached out and grabbed both of their arms as though to assure himself that they were real. They both looked back at him and Carrie didn’t seem able to resist pulling Severus in for one last hug before jumping back when she heard her name shouted at her for the third time. “Okay, I gotta go before they spontaneously combust, bye guys! Love you!” Running off, she turned and waved one last time before her parents pulled her in for a hug and carted her away to grab her things. 

Severus watched her go until she was lost in the crowd, and it wasn’t until he heard a throat clear that he realized Remus was still standing next to him. 

“I really will write you letters over the break,” Remus promised him in a quiet, but earnest voice. For some reason, Remus seemed to be staring harder at him than usual. Severus wasn’t quite sure why the subject of letters seemed to be so important to Remus, but a small flicker of gratefulness washed through him. 

“Thank you, Remus. I believe you. I’ll try to write to you as well, although I can’t guarantee I’ll always be able to reply.” 

Remus nodded as though that wasn’t a problem for him and looked behind him as his own name was called out. Looking back at Severus, Remus seemed to hesitate before bringing Severus in for another hug as well. Severus’s breath caught in his chest and he had to fight the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. He couldn’t cry now. He wouldn’t be able to explain why. Even though everything in him was screaming to stay close to Remus, to cling onto him and never let go, to stay in the safety of his arms, Severus stepped back from the hug. If he held on for a moment longer, he knew he would spill everything and beg Remus to take him away. 

Giving a shaky smile to Remus who was starting to look concerned, Severus patted his arm. “Go on, Remus. Your family is waiting for you. I’ll see you after the break,” and with that Severus turned away, refusing to let himself watch Remus disappear as well. He needed to go grab his things quickly, because he knew delaying the inevitable would only make it worse. 

~*~ 

Carrie and Remus had decided to meet up on the platform earlier than necessary after the break was over. They wanted to be there waiting for Severus when he arrived because he had some explaining to do. Though both of them had sent multiple letters to him, Severus hadn’t replied even once. At first, neither of them were worried, thinking they might have used the muggle post incorrectly, but after double checking with each other, the longer the silence stretched, the more worried they became. 

Carrie suddenly clutched Remus’s arm and pulled him forward, joyously calling out Severus’s name. Catching sight of that jet black hair, Remus felt an overwhelming sense of relief wash over him. Severus was here, he would be near his mate again. It would all be okay. 

Catching Severus’s arm, Carrie spun him around to face them and stopped dead. 

“...Severus… what the bloody fucking hell happened to you?” 

End of Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok people! This is it! The end of part one, but I promise we'll start part two soon. I should probably feel bad about the cliff hanger, but I really don't MUAHAHAHA.


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